I teach a bible study on Wednesday nights with my friend Chelsea for senior girls. Our girls are amazing, much more amazing than I was at their age. They make me laugh, smile, and remember why I signed up in the first place.
Tonight, we watched a Nooma video on hiding sin from God. I sat there and listened to Rob Bell talk about how he had to tell his son that no matter what, he would never love him any less. No matter what he did. There was nothing that could separate his love from his son. And I just felt overwhelmed. My initial thoughts were of Harper. My precious baby. It's funny how she's the first thought that pops into my head nowadays. I thought, I hope that she grows up always knowing how much I love her. And that nothing can ever separate her from my love. My second thought was that I want her to know that God loves her this way too. And that no matter how bad she might mess up, He will never love her less. I felt very peaceful to know this about her. I can rest in the fact that God loves my little girl even more than I do.
Later on in the evening, I asked the girls if they truly believed God loved them and would never leave them. I am pretty sure all of them said yes. But I was thinking, I don't know that I truly believe that about me. It's funny that I can trust that truth for Harper and for my bible study girls, but not myself. Sometimes I forget to let go of my past and let the Cross by my salvation. I forget that Jesus is not a temporary fix or a circumstantial helper. He's a permanent solution to a fallen world. He's the only way to salvation. And it's not something that He has to continuously do for you. He died once. For all. And if we could just trust in that truth, we could stop trying to earn it, work for it, or atone for it. We would have peace. We would know love. We would have eternity with Him. And that would change our world.
It's funny how much life has changed in the last 16 weeks. It's funny how sleep doesn't matter so much anymore. Neither does how I look or what I wear. What matters is my husband and my daughter. They are my world now. And without Christ, I would be nothing. I would be a huge mess. But because of Him, I have hope, peace, and truth. I have eternity. (Oh how stinking sentimental I have gotten in the last 16 weeks too!)
I need to remember...my love for Him may fail, but His love for me never will.